And before you know it, you'll be on your roof, pooping in your chimney!

I surely pooped in the chimney tonight at bowling, and with an audience to boot. Dave, Hans, Luke, Andie and Dave's sister Alicia came tonight. I hate having a week off between bowling, especially - expecially for those less versed in vernacular - when we have to bowl the first place team, with a chance to overtake them. Boy did I crap the bed. I had a decent first two games, 178 and a 180, but then after seeing Dave's belt buckle - better known as his sac over the top of his pants - I pulled out a measly 137. I didn't even break 500. And after having two awesome weeks. Anyway, I suppose I need to post football picks tomorrow, even though they don't hold meaning for anyone, and I'm already in the hole, as the Bengals pulled off a Taylor Hicks like upset. Who woulda thought? And don't tell me you don't know who Taylor Hicks is, unless you live under a rock, you have no excuse. American Idol takes over the planet every January, and I can't escape - nee, excape - it either. Sorry, I'm rambling.

Oh, and if you want to see the funniest advertisment ever, go here, and make sure you have your sound up.

Hey guys, look at me, I'm covered in balls! Just like Sharon Stone.

Because the NFL decided to be stupid and start having games on Thursday nights again, I have to post a football pick on Wednesday. Ugh. I have the NFL network, but I hear it's one long commercial interrupted by a football game. I suppose I'll catch the end after bowling. Anyway, Baltimore over CINCINNATI.

Rest in peace, Brandon Carlson.

Brandon Carlson

Today really wasn't the Thanksgiving I had expected. Not too long after posting my football picks, I received a call from my sister that she was heading to the hospital. I asked what for. I learned that a mutual friend of ours, Brandon Carlson, was in a motorcycle accident, and was in critical condition, about to be operated on at Regions Hospital in St. Paul. I made sure to tell her to drive safely, and keep me updated. Not more than 4 hours later, we received another call, letting us know that Brandon had died.
He had bought a new crotch-rocket about a week ago, after receiving his motorcycle permit. He was out riding with a friend, when his rear tire entered a seam in the concrete. With your weight so far forward on a sport bike, the rear tire in this type of situation would become unstable, and squirly. This happened, and he lost control. He hit the curb, and was thrown into the ditch. In flight, he attempted to grab a road sign post, and it was then he was wrapped around it, and his shoes and helmet flew off. Thankfully, the car behind him was watching all of this, and its occupants were very knowledgeable regarding first responder procedures. They were able to get him off from around the sign-post, get him breathing again, even though he was still unconscious. The ambulance arrived not too long afterward, and he was transported to Regions. It was said that if he were to make it, his right arm and foot would have to be amputated. He entered surgery at 12:24 PM today. The sugeons were able to stop the bleeding in his abdomen, but were not able to stop the bleeding in his brain. He died around 3:00 P.M. due to a combination of inexperience and an unfortunate string of events.
You were a fun guy to be around, you made other peoples lives brighter, and you were a loving brother, son, cousin, uncle and friend. He was 20 years old. He wanted to be a police officer. He was a good kid, who like to raise a little hell every now and again. Everyone can be thankful for the times we had with you, and for the doctors who tried valiantly to keep you with us. You are in a better place now, waiting for the rest of us. You will be missed.

On this Thanksgiving, please be thankful for the people in your life who love you, and for those who you love.

I've got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.

Happy Thanksgiving turkeys! I suppose before I can get to eating copius amounts of bird - dark meat only please - along with many, many plates of my Mom's stuffing, and drinking til I get that great wine buzz, I need to say a few things:
Holy crap Dennis Green is done. Guess I didn't see that one coming. (Please note the sarcasm). Regardless, what does that mean for the Vikes on Sunday? A freakin' win, that's what. Who's to say that Denny won't throw the game for Brad Johnson's sake? Everyone knows Brad Johnson is Denny's favorite player in history. Well, maybe behind Daunte Culpepper.

This weeks picks, home team in CAPS.

Miami over DETROILET
Christ, Joey Harrington is the second coming in Miami. Of course, it took the Vikings to make him look like Joe freaking Montana last week.

DALLAS over Tampa Bay
Romosexual has been a god send for Dallas. I didn't think they'd have a chance with Bledsoe back there, but Parcells made the right move.

Denver over KANSAS CITY
I feel sorry for those of you who won't be able to see this game, because you have Time Warner, or Dish, or whatever. I have Comcast - price gouging assholes - but at least I get the NFL Network, complete the Bryant Gumbel's pompous commentary. Too bad they cancelled Gumbel to Gumbel.

ST LOUIS over San Francisco
San Fran has been crap. They beat the Vikings because they couldn't score. The Rams can score.

MINNESOTA over Arizona
So long Denny Green!

Carolina over WASHINGTON
The Panthers are coming on, and they get another weak opponent.

NEW YORK JETS over Houston
The Jets look like they could win the AFC East. Sounds like blasphemy doesn't it?

Jacksonville over BUFFALO
The Jags looked okay against a banged up Giants team. Buffalo has a decent defense, but I think Jax can overcome it.

New Orleans over ATLANTA
Good matchup, on paper. Atlanta has been horrid lately. Michael Vick is coming back to earth, and the Falcons D is hurting, still.

BALTIMORE over Pittsburgh
The Ravens sure have looked good lately. Pittsburgh has looked really bad. This could be lopsided.

SAN DIEGO over Oakland
This might be the most lopsided game of the year. It could seriously end 70-10.

New York Giants over TENNESSEE
The Giants have had a bad run, the Titans aren't that great. I think Eli will overcome his yips this week.

Chicago over NEW ENGLAND
The Pats looks great last week - against Green Bay, with Aaron Rodgers. Chicago is not Green Bay. This will be an awesome game.

INDIANAPOLIS over Philadelphia
This won't be good. No McNabb, no points.

SEATTLE over Green Bay
Shaun Alexander is coming back, Brett Favre has a bad funny bone, and their second stringer is done. So, who did Green Bay sign as their backup? Todd Bouman. Mr. Hot Tub himself. I guess that's not funny if you don't live in Minnesota.

And there you have it.
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 97-63

I'm Winston Wolfe. I solve problems.

This is why you don't EVER give your keys to your 14 year old child. EVER.


Sorry I didn't post last night, I had to work late at the office and then pack some clothes for the night. I sure could use the Wolfe this week. The last 4 weeks have been absolutely horrible in picking. I haven't scored higher than 7 points. What the hell is with the NFL, parity or something? Anyway, I had a sleep study last night to help determine the cause of why I'm so tired all of the time, and start to treat my sleep apnea. Well, the instruments said I slept okay but I feel like shit and I think I slept like hell. I also had only 3 instances of apnea, whereas you need 10-15 per hour to get treatment. This is the second time this happened, even though I was given Ambien this time. I slept like crap and it affected the tests. So, I guess I'll just continue to stop breathing in my sleep to the point that I'll have a heart attack someday and die. We all die someday, I guess mine will be in my sleep. Fuckin' doctors. Sorry for being so morbid. On to football!

Home Team in CAPS

NEW ORLEANS over Cincinnati
Cincy has been on a crash the last few weeks, and it will continue at the Superdome.

Buffalo over HOUSTON
This is a tough one. Could go either way, and knowing my luck over the past few weeks, the Texans will win.

New England over GREEN BAY
Should be a high scoring affair, with the Pats D banged up, and Green Bay sucking and all.

KANSAS CITY over Oakland
Phillip can't score on Offense and KC is a hard place to play on the road. I wonder if Trent Green will go the whole game?

BALTIMORE over Atlanta
Ahh, the Michael Vick of old - good to see. Ever since Brian Billick took over the offense, the Ravens can actually score. That and their potent D? Could be a post season spoiler? Can anyone say Pittsburgh?

Chicago over NEW YORK JETS
The Giants were a tougher test for the Bears than the Jets will be, that and they have a good idea what the field will play like. I think the Bears will play a fairly mistake free game.

Pittsburgh over CLEVELAND
Cleveland sucks, Pittsburgh sucks. Looks like a 24-21 type game.

CAROLINA over St. Louis
I like the Panthers at home, and I don't like the Rams on grass. The cats may begin their charge towards the playoffs tomorrow.

PHILADELPHIA over Tennessee
Looks overpowering on paper, and it probably will be. I doubt Vince has played this late in the season outdoors - might be a little too cold for him to get anything going.

TAMPA BAY over Washington
Again, another blah matchup. There are too many of these this season, and it's so hard to pick, but I think the Bucs' defense will keep wheelchair-bound Brunell in check.

Minnesota over MIAMI
We couldn't possibly lose 3 in a row to horrible teams could we? Miami's defense is decent, and so is ours. Both offenses are anemic, could be a 17-14 type game.

Seattle over SAN FRANCISCO
Seattle has played well in Matt Hasselbeck's absence, and Shaun Alexander is coming back this week. The 'hawks may be gaining steam.

Detroit over ARIZONA
The pink taco stadium reeks again.

Indianapolis over DALLAS
Too many people look at the Cowboys and say 'they're decent, they have a shot' - NO - they've beaten bad teams all season, and have lost to good ones. I've said it all season. Even with the Romosexual back there, Indy will win. This one could be 35-28.

San Diego over DENVER
Have you SEEN LDT the past few weeks? Holy hell. Remember Denver gave up 30+ points against Indy at home earlier this year. Philip Rivers looks really good, and they are starting to run on all 10 cylinders. Yes, I said ten. The Chargers don't look like a V-8 right now.

New York Giants over JACKSONVILLE
The Jags have been so iffy this season, I don't like them against NY. The Giants have lost a lot of guys on Defense, but I don't think Jacksonville's offense can put up enough on the Giants to win.

And there you have it.
Last Week: 7-9 (first sub .500 week EVER)
Season: 88-56

Yeah, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that eve

So, Holly and I have been on vacation since Sunday on the North Shore. We go up there every year around our anniversary to just spend some time together. This year is year number 5. We had a really good time, the weather wasn't all that great, but it didn't snow or rain, which would have been cool, considering we were on Lake Superior, but it was still a great way to relax. It's about a 4 hour drive, northeast of Duluth, right on the shoreline - really beautiful scenery. We always check out Split Rock lighthouse, and Gooseberry Falls, and we snap a bunch of cool pictures. We also went to Fitger's Brewhouse in Duluth and had dinner and some microbrews. Good stuff. We drove home today because I had bowling tonight. Regarding bowling, we won all 7 points tonight, against the second place team, so we're making our move. I had a 179, 225 and a 243 for a 647. Because my two posts last week were somehow deleted, that follows up my first 700, a 711 to be exact. I was worried that I would come in and shoot a 450 or something. But, I'm happy I was able to follow it up with a good night. Because I've been gone, I haven't made football picks yet, so I'm going to go do that now, and then relay them to you tomorrow. Also, tomorrow night I have a sleep study regarding my snoring and sleep apnea. Hopefully things go well. I'll be back tomorrow with football picks.

Work called, they said if you don't show up tomorrow, don't bother showing up Monday. Woo-hoo! Four day weekend!

Ok, so I posted football picks last week, titled with "Cripple Fight" from South Park and a neat little picture showing Oakland and Seattle - I mean Timmy and Jimmy - fighting. I just don't get it though, the last three weeks have been HORRIBLE. I've been 7-6, 7-6 and 7-7. What the hell? Parity is a bitch.

Regardless, here are this weeks picks.

Home team in CAPS.

MINNESOTA over Green Bay
No way am I taking those idiots over the Vikings, EVER.

Baltimore over TENNESSEE
Should be interesting for Vince, going up against the Ravens' defense. Yeah, I'd say maybe 3 points for the Titans interesting.

JACKSONVILLE over Houston
Jacksonville lost to the Texans a few weeks ago. I don't see the same result this time, with Byron Leftwich sitting, and the Jaguars D tightening up.

Kansas City over MIAMI
Miami's win last week was a fluke. Damon Huard will prove it.

NEW ENGLAND over New York Jets
I don't really have anything funny to say about this one, except Chad Pennington's hair is weird.

San Diego over CINCINNATI
LT should run over the convicts, and I'm hoping that Philip Rivers will pass his ass off Sunday.

DETROIT over San Francisco
Detroit can score and the 49ers give up 33 points per game. Except last week, when they gave up 3.

PHILADELPHIA over Washington
Philly is coming off a bye, and Washington sucks. Recipe for disaster.

INDIANAPOLIS over Buffalo
No way Buffalo wins on Indy's turf.

ATLANTA over Cleveland
Another one of those kind of blah matchups.

Denver over OAKLAND
Oakland might not gain 50 yards, let alone a few points.

New Orleans over PITTSBURGH
The Steelers are fated to keep losing, because they were supposed to lose the Super Bowl last year. I think the Saints are just going to start hitting it.

St. Louis over SEATTLE
Seattle beat Oakland last week, big whup. Seneca Wallace is decent, but I think St. Louis will put them in their place.

Dallas over ARIZONA
Dallas just keeps getting lucky with crap teams.

NEW YORK GIANTS over Chicago
Rex isn't that great on the road, and the Giants are great at home. This will be a great game.

CAROLINA over Tampa Bay
Another crappy MNF game. Carolina will win this one.

And there you have it.
Last Week: 7-7
Season: 81-47

It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.

Sorry I wasn't able to post last night, I tried, but couldn't publish it. Anyway, bowling went well. The team won 5 points, and I had a 192, a 253 and a 266 for my first 700 series ever. I was pretty pumped about that. Other things to note about last night: my only open frame all night was the first frame of the first game; if you take the last 2 frames of the second game, and the first 8 frames of the third game, I actually had 12 strikes in a row - a 300 - just not in the same game; also, for the tournament I'm in I was able to post a 300 for that, so it puts me at the top of the board. Not much else to report, but later today, football picks! Hopefully I can get out of the hole I'm in.

So Tired

I'm tired, and I don't want to write much so, here it is. We won 5 points at bowling, I had a 210, 180 and a 156. The lanes got DRY. Also, I entered a 20,000 dollar tournament, where it's pretty simple to cash. I'll explain more tomorrow, with football!