Merry Freakin Christmas.

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday week. Thanks for reading!

Who I like tonight, and I don't mean Bryant Gumbel.

Minnesota over GREEN BAY

Apparently I'm supposed to bowl 4 games tonight, so I'll fill you in later.

¿Se dice quieres jamón?

Go to freetranslation.com if you need to know what the title of this post is, but I have a feeling that after you read this, you'll have a pretty good idea.

I have no problem with foreigners who work in this country. None whatsoever. I disagree with the fact that they will work in positions that "normal" Americans wouldn't, because I believe anyone, of any race, creed, color or nationality will work doing anything if they needed to badly enough. But that is a whole other issue. No, my only problem is foreigners who work in this country, but don't bother to learn english - not necessarily enough to talk to every cracker that comes into their place of business - but english to the point that they can do their job adequately. I was at Subway this afternoon with Holly. This Subway happens to be in downtown Minneapolis. The retaurant happens to be employed by an overwhelming majority of persons of Latin descent. By majority I mean everyone but the 75 year old white woman who works the register so slowly, that there is eventually a backup of 12 sandwiches, which frequently get mixed up, and I get a Veggie Delight instead of my freaking steak. Regardless (notice I didn't say irregardless, because that isn't a word) today I was having my sandwich made, when the guy behind me ordered a ham sandwich. Just plain ham, nothing else. But the girl behind the counter decides that the guy really wants turkey and roast beef, so she puts this on the sandwich. I tell the gentleman behind me what is going on, because he isn't paying attention. Don't harp on me because I was paying attention to someone else's business, you'd be doing it too, jerk. He tells the girl, I want ham, not turkey. She looks at him like he ordered a nuclear warhead instead of a sub. This is my problem. The man ordered something OBVIOUSLY on the menu, yet the aptly named sandwich artist had NO CLUE. Please, if you are from another country, and choose to work somewhere that you will have to deal with people, learn the words: ham, big mac, quarter pounder, no cheese, supersize, fire sauce, etc. I will forever be grateful, and will value your presence in our country so much more than I already do. I'm now going to eat my pizza, Viva Italia.

Bowling went well tonight, we as a team bowled well enough to win all seven points, but the team we bowled rolled a hell of a lot better. I bowled a 170, 221 and a 245. Which is so much better than I've bowled the last few weeks. We only won one game - 2 points - but we felt like things are headed in the right direction. This weekend is the center finals of that tournament I entered over a month ago. I bowl Saturday, I hope things go well. And to those of you who are bored by my bowling posts, fuck you. Where's your blog?

This week's picks:
Home team in CAPS

Dallas over ATLANTA
Have you seen pictures of the Cowboys new stadium? I hate the Cowboys, and I think I hate Jerry Jones more.

MINNESOTA over New York Jets
Tough call. Chad Pennington can be Peyton Manning or Archie Manning on any given week. Considering they won't run the ball, I'm hoping Archie shows up.

Jacksonville over TENNESSEE
Another tough one. The Jags absolutely killed Indy last week, and one would think that they would steamroll through the Titans, but VY is the stuff. Too bad the Texans couldn't draft him... This will be a close one.

GREEN BAY over Detroit
Detroit sucks. Matt Millen is an idiot, and Lion ownership is JUST starting to realize this?

CHICAGO over Tampa Bay
I guess Tank Johnson had some sort of gun charge today. This could be bad for Chicago's "legendary" defense, which has sucked as of late, and by of late, I mean the last 8 weeks.

NEW ORLEANS over Washington
Holy crap the Saints offense can roll. Washington will want to die this Sunday.

Pittsburgh over CAROLINA
Ugh, maybe they should play without helmets? Might make this one interesting. I'm sure Ben Roethlisberger will be all for it.

BALTIMORE over Cleveland
Cleveland is 1-11 against AFC North teams under Romeo Crennel. This should be a slaughter.

NEW ENGLAND over Houston
If Tom Brady loses this one, I'm pretty sure his head will explode too, Peter King.

Miami over BUFFALO
Should be a good game. Miami has come on of late, and Buffalo has played everyone tough, especially at home.

ARIZONA over Denver
Yeah, I know. But I have to make up points somewhere. Matt Leinart is 3-1 the past 4 weeks. Denver has Jay Cutler going, the offense is somewhat anemic. Could actually be a blowout for the Cardinals.

NEW YORK GIANTS over Philadelphia
Another good game - Jeff Garcia has been a surprisingly decent replacement for Donovan McNabb. The Giants might be pissed that their season is sucking the way it is, and this is a division game, in New York.

St Louis over OAKLAND
Oakland has a shot, seeing as how no one cares anymore on the Rams' team.

SAN DIEGO over Kansas City
Could be a high scoring affair, with LDT getting somewhere in the neighborhood of 8 touchdowns.

INDIANAPOLIS over Cincinnati
Last year they combined for 80 some-odd points. This one might be no different, and on MNF of all places. Look for both teams to score in excess of 28 points, with the final score within 6. In addition, the Bengals had their 8th player of the season arrested this past week. Way to go. I'm just wondering if they can crack ten!

And there you have it.
Last Week: 9-7
Season: 125-83

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a sign.

You know what really grinds my gears? People in the western suburbs don't know how to drive. It's not like it is in the southern suburbs where people just drive like maniacs, or in the north where people speed and don't look where they're going. No, in the western suburbs of Minneapolis people can't read a fucking street sign. The most common mistranslation comes from the difficult french sign "Yield". I know these can be difficult, being an upside-down triangle and all, but we all learned at the age of 15 what a damn yield sign is, and what it means. My drive home from work consists of driving directly west on a commonly travelled highway, not a freeway or an interstate, but a highway. There are intersections with lights, etc. At these intersections there are entrance lanes for people to enter the highway, but they are marked with that upside-down triangle. I wonder if people don't see them, because that reflective white and red can be difficult, especially at night. Mainly, I think people assume they have some sort of entitlement to the road 20 feet directly ahead of their car, which means I am supposed to be aware that they are coming into my lane, in rush hour traffic, and it is my job to accomodate their car. Fuck that. I have NUMEROUS times had people come out directly as I am getting to them, and I have purposely kept side by side with them so they ride the shoulder, and into a ditch if they don't knock it the hell off. They look over at me, like I'm doing something wrong, when it is me who is obeying all local laws and regulations, maintaining speed and within the lane that I am travelling. So, to those of you who need a refresher - Yield means, stay the fuck put until you can safely and easily enter traffic.

Tomorrow:
SEATTLE over San Francisco

Everyone has AIDS.

I'm sitting here watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on CBS for what probably is the 23rd consecutive year. Christmas is near. What I've always wondered is why when Rudolph's nose blinks, it makes a weird whistling sound, like someone who breathes too hard through the gap in their teeth, or when my dad falls asleep on the couch, and is wheezing through his nose.


I know that recently my football picks haven't garnered much attention, because they've been borderline horrible, and I haven't been able to provide witty commentary on each game, so this week I will just give the winners in an effort to pick the winners instead of trying to be funny.

Regardless, football picks:

Baltimore over KANSAS CITY

Tennessee over HOUSTON

CAROLINA over New York Giants

CINCINNATI over Oakland

Philadelphia over WASHINGTON

Atlanta over TAMPA BAY

Indianapolis over JACKSONVILLE

Minnesota over DETROIT

New England over MIAMI

SAN FRANCISCO over Green Bay

Seattle over ARIZONA

NEW YORK JETS over Buffalo

SAN DIEGO over Denver

DALLAS over New Orleans

Chicago over ST LOUIS

And there you have it.
Last week: 8-8
Season: 116-76

I suck at bowling.

So tonight was one of the worst nights of the year, and I feel like absolute crap. Probably because of the 3 Honduran cigars I smoked, which always make me ill. Anyway, I had a 137, 148 and a 152. Total suck, two weeks in a row. I hope I get out of this funk next week. It was the playoff round tonight, and no thanks to me, we did win 4 points, giving us 3rd place for the 1st half. Regardless, I sucked. Tomorrow, football picks.

Stupid NFL

PITTSBURGH over Cleveland

Whoa. - Keanu Reeves

So, I spent last night getting plowed. I didn't puke, but rather passed out on a couch at a friends' house. This is a major step forward for me, as me getting shitfaced generally results in me redecorating someone's bathroom, front or back yard. Although I feel like absolute crap today because I didn't puke, I'm proud that I didn't heave the chicken parmesan that I'd had earlier in the evening - the same chicken parmesan that my Dad used to make on Wednesday nights while we would watch Unsolved Mysteries. Robert Stack scared the shit out of me.

Football picks, home team in CAPS.

Indianapolis over TENNESSEE
This game will be closer than you'd think. The Titans almost beat Indy awhile back, but Vince Young is coming into some type of his own.

ST LOUIS over Arizona
I hear Pat Summerall will be commentating this game. Hide the scotch.

CHICAGO over Minnesota
This one will be closer than you think too, but the Vikes will fall on their face again.

New York Jets over GREEN BAY
It must suck to be Brett Favre.

NEW ORLEANS over San Francisco
I bet the Dolphins are kicking themselves now that they picked Daunte over Drew Brees. I'm sure I probably said that same thing a few weeks ago, but it's still great to say.

San Diego over BUFFALO
So I was wrong about the Chargers last week, they didn't score 70 points against Phillip, but hey, they won didn't they?

Kansas City over CLEVELAND
Trent Green's return resulted in a win, but nothing special. He should be able to beat up on the Brownstains.

WASHINGTON over Atlanta
Can you spell overrated with Michael Vick?

NEW ENGLAND over Detroit
This could be murder.

MIAMI over Jacksonville
Close game, but the Jags are horrible on the road.

Houston over OAKLAND
The Texans might make Oakland's offense look decent, but it's still Oakland.

PITTSBURGH over Tampa Bay
Does anyone care that this game is happening?

Dallas over NEW YORK GIANTS
Tony Romo is hot shit. Yeah, I'm a Romosexual. I wish I could display sarcasm in text. I can't stand the Cowboys, and I can't stand the Giants.

DENVER over Seattle
Tough game, Alexander and Hasselbeck are back, but this one will be in Denver, with cold weather and possibly snow.

CAROLINA over Philadelphia
All I can say is: Sorry Philly. For everything.

And there you have it.
Last Week: 11-5
Season: 108-68